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Dr. Sylvia K:

Welcome Scott Tatum from you can outdoors to the Dr. Sylvia K show, I am so thrilled. First of all to have you on the show. But second of all, to get to know you better and hear more about all your work and what you’re doing, not only on social media but within your community. So maybe first if you could introduce yourself to the listeners, let us know a little bit about you, and what is it that you do? And what is it you can do outdoors?

Scott Tatum:

Absolutely. And then I do and again, I appreciate being here, too. And thank you very much for recognizing, you know, what’s happening. So well, I’m you know, it’s kind of really difficult to always put out exactly what’s going on with you. But I mean, I have my life is my kids, you know, I have adult children, three of them. And, and so that’s a really important aspect of my life. And I’m, I’m twice divorced. Last time, 10 years ago, I have lived most of my life, or a big part of my life, under the influences of my childhood traumas, and all of those ineffective ways, to operate in life. So I actually appreciate a lot of that now. Because it does bring me the awareness I have now but anyways, I mean, the biggest thing about me is I found the outdoors and I found hiking about eight years ago. And I’ve just immersed myself in it.

And I’ve been on this real tear around my personal self-care and development. And I that’s all it’s on my mind. And I’m very aggressive with that with myself. And everything that you do see on social media and everything is directed at me, I’m talking to myself, and it’s just grown into resonating with other people. But it’s a way to hold myself accountable. It’s a way for anybody that I can help you know, that that’s looking to me for, you know, some understanding or help or a way to do things or so it’s just again, that that’s the big, big push I work online, I do. I’ve done lots of side hustles online for a long time. And I didn’t talk a little bit earlier, but one of the things besides growing up in an environment with a mom who was a therapist, and I watched her when she divorced my dad at age seven, I watched that more of her through that process, but as well as living in it for all those years.

Yeah. And with it. But, again, everything is just evolving from that starting there for me at a young age. And I also was a facility administrator for an adolescent residential treatment center for 11 years. Oh, wow. So I’m I have way too much information. Yeah. In my brain, I, I’ve always I tried to fight it and push it out of the cycle. Having all this information about things brings way too much light to you. And when you when you’re in when you’re dysfunctional, and you understand why Yeah. And you don’t do things about it, or you fight it or you can, you know, it’s just any way, so here’s my ADHD I talked to you. I got off track. But I mean, that’s a little bit about me again, I outdoors, I’m a huge proponent of it’s my therapy, and I push people to get out there and I just it’s a strong way for people to find themselves to shut everything off all the noise of the world.

Yeah, and be with themselves in a very, in get very clear. Like it or not good, bad, or ugly. Yeah, whatever comes up for you. It’s there. And you got to face it. And just my opinion, I push hard on that. Yes, I’m not I’m not very good at nurturing. I’m pretty direct and just kind of, yeah. You know, I have a lot of empathy. I don’t have a lot of sympathies. That makes sense.

Dr. Sylvia K:

Well, I find a lot of your friendly reminders on social media, especially on Instagram, extremely encouraging. So you may not call it nurturing, but I definitely find it encouraging and uplifting. And another thing that we have so much in common. So for the listeners, Scott and I chatted a little bit before we started the podcast interview. So we both have symptoms of ADHD in common. We both have symptoms of childhood trauma and common. We both have the experience of working with adolescents in a facility in common actually one thing I didn’t tell you is I used to work for an organization called the FFT program which is functional Family Therapy here in Miami and Broward.

And my job was as a family therapist, I would enter the homes of kids that had been arrested or were arrested on probation. And the next step was going to be a residential facility. And so my job was to work with the system and help the family understand this systemic issue that was going on, instead of pointing the finger at the teenager and saying that, that they’re the bad guy, or the bad girl or everything was their fault. I was trying to broaden, you know, the family perspective and say, let’s look at all these things that are contributed to this kids behavior this kid is, is responding to stress, this kid is exhibiting behaviors of the trauma of stress of being misunderstood a child who has minimal resources, let’s better understand all the other things and Mom and Dad, what are going, you know, what’s most of the time, it was a single mom, but you know, let’s understand what’s also going on with you.

Let’s understand your stress. And my goal was really to help look at things relational, and take that blame and that stigma and almost that criminalization that was being placed on the kid. And so yeah, a lot of that work actually encouraged me to get my Ph.D. in family therapy. And I’m trying to use, you know, what I’ve learned now on social media, and also bringing in my own stuff of unhealed childhood trauma that started to resurface again, at 42. I’ve been in and out of therapy since I was in my 20s, I’m like, damn it, I gotta go back to the drawing board. But it’s not going back. It’s a continual cycle. And so when you reached out to me, I was super excited to interview you and get to know more about your work. And also the man behind the work.

And also, you know, The mindfulness approach that you’re bringing, because the information that you give out on these short, friendly reminders is so to the point but powerful, and I think that’s what really grabs the listeners.

Scott Tatum:

Well, yeah. And it’s, it’s really, it’s really funny, I mean, just kind of speak on, you know, that your work with a system that with juveniles. So one of our contracts was with Dallas, juvenile justice. So we had a lot of kids coming from that system. And through all this, I’m not a fan of parents. Now, I also have sympathy for him, and especially even my own, but, but the parents are, we’re speaking adolescence, just real quick, because I just, I just feel passionate about kids. And that part of it is, is, that’s was one of the biggest problems with the facility in these kids getting better. Because the parents just wanted to hold on, and not engage, and they just didn’t want to take responsibility and didn’t want to do those things.

So there’s, so if, if the environment, a kid is coming from the environment, and the people that run the environment are not willing to change or to participate in it, how do they expect, you know, this child to do that as well. So that’s part of it, too. But anyways, the mindfulness around things too, is, again, is just, you know, again, it’s all that talking myself. And when I do lives, and things like that, everybody gets on there, and they’re like, they’re like, give us a friendly reminder, give us a friendly reminder. And my friendly reminders actually stemmed from something that was really passionate about for me was about I was gonna run out of time. So I have these things like you’re gonna run out of time.

And then I have my talks, but people say, and I tell them on the friend of mine, he said, Look, if you want to see friendly reminders, go to my pages, you can see all you want, but I can’t just do them off the cuff. And I don’t want to because it takes away from it’s not just the words, and the message is my effect. When I’m talking to that camera. That’s not, that’s I’m worked up, you know, I’ve been on that walk, it’s stuff I’ve read that morning, or whatever’s hanging on to me right then and there. And I take those pieces and, and when that camera comes on, I’m that, you know, it’s, you know, friendly reminder. I mean, I’m in that. So it’s really interesting for me because now I just morph into this.

Yeah, saying it, but it’s me. And so I think I think the reason things have people are resonating with it is that they know it’s real. I think they feel that it’s coming from me, and not necessarily I’m talking to myself, but it’s not a pretend thing. It’s not pretend at all.

Dr. Sylvia K:

And I think you know, you’re friendly reminders when you hit record it and however you edit it, but when I see it, I’m like, that’s him and you have this energy in there and your cup is full and you’re sharing it with us, and it grabs me in it and it really leaves an impact on me. But you said something that really just moved me. This is me. This is me. And it gets me emotional. Because when I think about all the work that I did with those teams on probation, you had so many people, telling them in the system, who they were, and the main message was, sorry, I get really emotional, like, You’re bad. You’re bad. And I was like, No, you’re not bad.

These are behaviors, you know, that might be seen as bad, but the essence of who you are is not bad. And so I’m curious, how did you What was your process? How did you get to that place where you’re able to confidently say, This is me and share it with others? And how did you help other teams do that as well?

Scott Tatum:

Well, here’s so here’s the thing. There’s real these are, these are questions that I and I’ve really worked on when I get asked a question or things like that, is trying to stay on that and not add so much to it. And then sometimes I think, well, I just can’t isn’t it just me? Yeah, but my throwing out a disclaimer there. But it’s what when I was working at that treatment center, and all the years growing up with my mom, and then after and with my marriages and everything I did, I was very aware, of being very dysfunctional.

Yeah. And even it and so what I go back to because everybody needs to understand I’m a product of my environment, too. So my trauma was from age zero to seven with my alcoholic father, it just you know that we’ll get into that some other time if you want to. But yeah.

Dr. Sylvia K:

Another thing we have in common Scott, my father also struggled with alcoholism.

Scott Tatum:

And yeah, and all the things that went along with that, but um, so, you know, I watched my mom grow into this therapist and watch her become amazing at helping people. I mean, just frickin Wow, she was just crazy. I mean it, people loved her and she was and she was but on the other hand, you know, here I am my mom growing up in there, his house and her growing up to she was messed up. She was so dysfunctional she was men were her Achilles. I mean, she, she, you know, she was married eight times. You know, just so my point is trying to answer your questions just give you just a little history is again, I watched that so I was I’ve always been great at helping people and having the information and in feeling it’s right and just knowing what I’m saying is going to be helpful and encouraging and help others but I learned to hold on to my own damaged self and never took care of myself.

Hmm. So you asked about really kind of where the flip came in is again after my second divorce and 10 years ago and then getting into farming outdoors and doing all that when I started going, okay, it finally clicked that Okay, so I’ve raised my kids you know, got these adult children in the world they’re amazing people I’m going to have grandkids and I want to be better yeah, I want to just the first time that I looked at my history and I and I try to look at my history stronger now and look at it as history not as yo poor me began stuff I look at it as how what is it through this that’s brought me where I am but anyway, right so So I again, I’ve always had that but that self-care mechanism got turned on because my mom was also she took care of everybody so like just example family if we had a family dinner had people over which we have people over all the time drove me crazy.

But she took care of her but she never shows up person that did not sit down well, she was just creating things to help people I mean, that was just so I learned to she taught me at a very early age to by example have to put myself second to not put my seat you know, so I always did that. So it was when I really turned on and work to develop over these last eight years seven-eight years of really just okay, I got to just go really hard on this.

Dr. Sylvia K:

Yeah. And the self-care part.

Scott Tatum:

People and on social media I even on social media. I even love my trolls. You know, my trolls, because I feel bad for my trolls. You know, I’m not I’m not that person at all. That’s, you know, and once while I get triggered we all get triggered, you know, it’s absolutely you say and I just want to boom, I never respond to a troll. I never give him any deal if it’s something really dysfunctional, really, really intimidating or whatever toward me or anybody else, I just block them. Otherwise, I leave them there. And I don’t respond unless I think maybe I can say a word or two that’s not inappropriate so that maybe that it turned something on for them. I don’t know if it would or not to maybe make a change but they keep everything about social media keeps me work exactly doing this I just it a troll. It just fuels me more, because I hit a nerve. I know I hit a nerve.

Yeah, it may not be a good nerve, and they may be acting out around that nerve and becoming perpetrating on other people around that nerve. I just hit but I struck something. Yeah. And when if you’re not getting hate, I’ve learned if you’re not getting hate, you’re not standing for anything. You’re not saying anything that makes a difference. You’re just not if you’re not getting if people aren’t, you know hating on you. You’re just not it. I don’t look at it as hate I say that, because that’s what social media is. It’s not these are injured, people. You and I know that. Absolutely. They’re that way. Yeah. Because you’re fucked up. And I’m sorry, I don’t know, it’s okay. I really try to keep all that out of my social media. But I do have that in me when I get going. But you know what I’m saying? So I don’t even know if I answered your question.

Dr. Sylvia K:

No, well, you know, what, I have symptoms of ADHD and a lot of the listeners do too. So I find it so refreshing that we can, we can have this base where we can talk to each other, listen to each other. And, and I believe most of my listeners can think and listen in these, these special ways that we do. But what I’m hearing, Scott is, you know, a part of you just, I guess the process of discovering who you are. And being able to say this is me, was really through that that component that you mentioned is the self-care part.

And watching your mom give so much to so many other people and constantly be the caregiver and the rescuer, probably in the fixer and the giver, gave, you know gave you that model of okay, maybe I’ll put myself second and, and giving everyone else you know, your energy and kind of like the analogy, putting the oxygen mask on yourself last to the point where you’re almost passing out. And so you learn maybe the hard way to practice self-care so that you can feel your cup first. So that you can connect with who you are, and then be able to give so much more to other people. And it also sounds like the outdoors has been that space that container that vessel of facilitator that’s helped you practice self-care and really get in touch with your essence with your power and who you are.

And that really comes out I think on the daily reminders because most of them are filmed outside. Can you tell me a little bit more just in your own words? What is self-care because that’s kind of like a buzzword that we hear all the time? But could you break it down through your Scott Tatum filter through that you can outdoors like what is self-care?

Scott Tatum:

So I’ll first tell you what self-care is not for me. Okay and again this is not I really work on curbing my assertive talking because I don’t want to purposely hurt other people’s feelings but also I do recognize it is just me and my aspect and I’m not good not anybody’s gonna like who I am but I self care for me is not going to the spa self-care for me is not you know, taking a day and watching TV or relaxing or that I did all that stuff I tried to you know, you have you know, work your 68 hours a week and then just take your time on the weekend and just blob and be on the couch. So I did all that none of that made me happy none of that made me a better person. None of that helped me that whole mindset did nothing but encouraged me to not take care of myself in an appropriate way and buy into this as a society and this is the way it is. And I always looked at those people that weren’t doing that and that we’re actually doing things that may be better themselves take care of themselves and they just seem to wire you to know why? Why is it they’re happy because I had a miss an I had a really dysfunctional way of looking at families and things like that because I mean, like first of all when I was… Such a long answer? I’m sorry.

Dr. Sylvia K:

I love it. I’m following you.

Scott Tatum:

You know, I fell in love with John Wayne, as you know, because I wanted him to be my dad. He was this huge strong you know, male and he, you know, he was runner and yeah, so sweet and gentle. He was the hero and he saved everybody. And that was such a bra. I’m so over. I mean, just so separated from what I was used to. So I fantasized about that I mean, like really Leave It to Beaver families, the, you know, the, all those old shows that, you know, those were like, in I just fantasized about you know, having that in my life and having family and things but getting back self-care Scott, come back. So the self-care for me is self-awareness, emotional intelligence be the mindfulness, and working on all those things to strengthen me and to try to just get better, too.

There are one of the last books I read was called The War of Art. I don’t know. Yes, yes. Yes. So a really, you know, my, in fact, my youngest son and I were talking about that book last night and because he didn’t, he didn’t really like, it’s a hard road to get into. And especially for someone like me, that first part of it. But when I finally kind of got through that, because everybody was recommending it, you know that that resistance that that? Do you know that that that talking about? So that’s what I’m into. So if it’s going to resist me or here’s a better way to put it. I always tell people, when I wake up in the morning if I have three doors to pick from one, two, and three what I want to know is my question is which one is going to is going to bring the most fear into my mind what’s gonna scare me the most? Oh, that’s the one I want. And that’s what I want to walk into.

So that’s what the self-care is for me is it is identifying those things that scare me that that that keep me from growing and getting better and let’s go let’s just go what’s go right the second so the outdoors and I don’t know how much you’ve looked at my stuff but so outdoors for me as is the hiking is huge. That’s my biggest piece but it’s being as far back as I can I don’t I, you know, I overland I drive my truck on national forest land and I go way out there and I go and you know, I turned on a dropped 15 feet torn meniscus in my knee this year. For the interlining my chest wall because I fell in a river. Just because I do stupid things that I’m trying to work on. You know, my kids are like, Are you sure what you each kid? Me trying to kill it? No, I don’t have a death wish. And I’m not. But I don’t I’m not. I’m training my brain to not pay attention to No.

And I but I’m also at the same time tried. Okay, there are limits, you know, you can fall off the mountain and you can die. Yeah, but the other piece around that is a big thing for me, which I know, you know, you’ll get is I really, really researched and done so much around the cognitive behavioral therapy. Yeah, and it’s so big with the PS PTSD, which is of course a lot of what does deal with with the childhood stuff and and and so my it’s just a daily thing for me, it can be hundreds of times a day, but the pattern interruption with my thoughts and things like that. So self-care for me is very individualized. Yeah, that’s what it is. For me. I’m working on it do it. All these things like this really hardcore. To make myself better to find more else about myself.

How can I help people? And I, I was the good one of the good things through my life was I was a good dad. Yeah. Now I wasn’t. I did exhibit some poor behavior. Look, we’re all not perfect, but I did. I did exhibit a lot of poor behaviors. But I raised these gangsters. I mean, these crazy crazy people and, and they’re not perfect, yet. They’re there. They’re amazing. But my point with that is is with is to again I’m going to have grandkids Yeah. So I want to be better for them. And the other piece of that with the self-care remember is my therapy every day. Yes. Social media is a big thing. I social media is not bad to me and I don’t think it’s bad. It’s the way the world’s going if Yeah, and I just and that’s my therapy talking to this into picking this up. Yeah, my therapy. And that’s all my self-care. And that’s what it is. For me. It’s personalized.

Yeah. And it’s got to make you better. And you can’t be better for other people if you don’t be better for yourself. So if you don’t do self-care first, you are, as I put up on my social media is you’re pouring from an empty cup. And you’re it’s halfway. And people always want to put up something strong. There are those trolls that get on there and go, Well, I’m not putting my kids your first my the whatever’s I’m not saying your kids shouldn’t be up there. And you brought them into this world, take care of them, nurture them, teach them how to be good adults, and how to have to take care of themselves. Yes, but you can’t do that I do in this Yes. No. For example, you got to show and you got to do and so I’m willing to bear my ass. Yes. Break some of my body a little bit. If it makes me better. Yes. For everything that I want to be for the future. Yeah. Now.

Dr. Sylvia K:

I love your spin on self-care that a lot of your self-care is tied into not just making yourself better taking chances, looking out that door that scares you, and having the courage to go through it. But also it shifting your relationship to resistance. And so there’s this type of therapy called AC T acceptance commitment therapy, it was created by a gentleman named Oh my gosh, now I’m going to blink out on his name. Oh, come back to me later. But acceptance Commitment Therapy brings a lot of focus to our relationship to resistance and our avoidant behaviors. Because most of us want to avoid what doesn’t feel good.

We avoid resistance, we avoid taking risks, we avoid discomfort, we avoid feeling sad, we avoid feeling mad. I mean, there are so many things that we try to avoid. And usually, it’s that avoidance pattern that leads most people into addiction. And so you have shifted that relationship and said, instead of avoiding pain, instead of resisting, I am going to lean into I’m going to lean into the pain, I’m going to lean into the fear, I’m going to lean into the learning, I’m going to lean into so many different things. And also honoring your values. You know, one of the things that I hear that you value the most is the outdoors, but not just the outdoors. It’s the discovery of yourself and becoming the best version of yourself. And utilizing the outdoors like that.

Almost like facilitator like the fire mat, you know, it’s like the fire that lights that, that that catalyst in that transformation. And you’re sharing it with us. And I think that is so amazing. The other thing that I see that you share a lot through your Instagram, but also the resources that you’re giving people is mindfulness. Yeah. So for people that are new to mindfulness, what’s your twist on it? What’s your again, your Scott Tatum stamp on mindfulness?

Scott Tatum:

You know, I think it’s a lot with So again, another hard book that was hard for me to read. Was the power of now. Yeah. So. So. Yeah, that, that, that. I mean, that’s a lot for me is the mindfulness is staying right here. And because if I linger, I just Just know that about myself, and I talk a lot about in my friendly reminders, where you’re gonna run out of time is, you know, the push for me is, it is there’s a lot of things that do resonate with just little lessons in life, but being idle, you know, I’m very spiritual. And I’m not going to relate that to the Bible about, you know, the devils, whatever. But it is, is I will, I will go back and I’ll go, oh, you know, you go only this or whatever.

And I really, really want to stay present. And I want to, to work very hard to, to be in that and to, and again, I the mindfulness, the emotional intelligence, the self-awareness, all those things, to me are just all they’re just all there and they tie in and they’re all going to meet each other, you know, they’re all they all have something to do with each other in one way or another. So it’s really, it allows, if you’re not, if you’re not mindful of, of yourself, and you’re just not mindful of, of, and then picking up on those cues that we get, if you know, it’s the distractions. Yeah, if we don’t stay now, we already know so that’s the other thing without doors and again, with people I always tell people, it’s funny, you know, like, I work with some brands on doing some different things with their social media or doing whatever it’s trying to get them to, to, to resonate with, you know, getting paid To focus on what they’re wanting their message to be and, and it’s so hard for us we get to life distracts us.

Yeah, I, I don’t there’s I don’t like people. But I can tell you this I love I do love people I love I’m an introvert too. Yes. I have a lot of social anxiety I’ve dealt with. It’s not so bad as it used to be. Because I wore I really work on that stuff. But yeah, it’s. So I like being alone more. Yeah, so I, that’s why I choose that as an avenue to, and I tell people to look, you can get healthy if you want. And, and when people ask me for direct advice, I do not give counseling, and I do not give therapy. I do this. I’ll talk about whatever you want to talk about. And I will tell you, if somebody asked me a direct question, I will tell you what I would do, or what I would, I would tell what I would promote to my kids. But I’m not gonna tell you what to do. And I’m not going to tell you the best thing for you. But I will, I will go that far.

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